Sausages and Omlettes

Opens with Alastair (as Father Perfect) cooking sausages. Charles Kay as Father Geoffrey Vernon is packing a suitcase and Father Michael Daley (Jeremy Brett) studies a prayer book in his room. Father Vernon walks in to Father Perfect's room and turns off the loudspeakers used for his amateur radio. Father Perfect's cooking would appear to be disastrous and the results go in the bin. He has cooked a "delicious" Spanish omelette for Geoffrey who looks somewhat alarmed when presented with it. He makes the excuse that his stomach gets very queasy when traveling and must decline; he quickly exits. Of the omelette, Father Perfect declares "I'm afraid you must join your little friends" in the bin. Geoffrey is having a two week vacation and states to Father Michael that it is as much to do with relieving his gut (a comment on Father Perfect's cooking) as his sanity. Geoffrey believes that Father Perfect's cooking is simply to spite him because he was directly responsible for relieving the last housekeeper of his duties.

The Magical Act

As Father Perfect and Father Daley try to eat their wonderful repast, Father Perfect pontificates that the decline in the ministry is concerned with the stomach. During the war years people had plain food and less of it; this however coincided with an increase in spirituality as people flocked to the churches, plays, recitals, etc. Father Micheal sincerely agrees with him and is happy when Father Perfect tells him he does not have to finish the meal that lies before him. Father Perfect, it seems, has more self-knowledge about his cooking than we are initially led to believe.

As they talk a pan of milk boils over on the cooker; this turns their attention to the subject of a new housekeeper. Father Perfect is reluctant to hire a new housekeeper because he believes she will leave after only a few days due to Father Vernon's behavior. According to Father Perfect, housekeeper's in the past used to have more respect for the clergy and would even cover up their minor indiscretions such as drunkenness. It would seem that the clergy has mystery in those days (see Memorable Quotes 1 ). Father Perfect believes they need a nice, bright cheerful young lady as a housekeeper . . . . and that the power of prayer will provide.

A Prayer Answered

The next scene sees two young women arrive at the church. One is crying and lights a candle. An acolyte of Father Vernon - Patrick O'Donnell - also enters the church. He has been arranging the altar. Father Michael offers to show him more serving duties. They enter the church and discover the crying woman. Father Daley offers his assistance but cannot help her. He exits to fetch the more experienced Father Perfect.

In the meantime we see Patrick talk to the other woman - Mary - who appears to be his girlfriend and speaks of him having to make a decision. It now seems that Patrick does not just want to be a server - he wants to be a priest. Father Perfect tells him if finance is an issue preventing him from this vocation then he he must approach the church for aid. It would appear however, that Patrick has been told he "is not worthy" by Father Vernon.

Father Perfect asks the distressed woman in to the presbytery to talk. He seems to have the required calming effect on her. She bluntly informs him that she has had an abortion. He tells her it is against God's will but that God also forgives. He quickly identifies that she is not a Catholic yet she came to a Catholic church. It would appear that she came to a Catholic church because she does not want God to show her any mercy (which apparently a C. of E. church would). Her name is Christine Smith. Patrick it seems has to make a choice between the Church and taking his A-Levels. He also has his girlfriend/fiance Mary. He sees her as a temptation and Father Vernon has told him women are "biologically subversive". Father Daley seems bemused by this idea. Patrick believes that Mary Fallon follows him around everywhere trying to "trap him" away from his higher spiritual calling. It would appear that Father Vernon is a great influence on him. Meanwhile, as Father Perfect patiently probes he discovers that Christine was in the catering industry but has recently lost her job. It would appear his prayers have been answered.

Mary informs Father Daley that Patrick has told her he does not really want to be a priest. Father Daley does not think Patrick is ready to enter the seminary and requests a meeting with his mother. However, Patrick believes this news may kill her (which probably indicates the primary reason he "wanted" to go in to the priesthood in the first place). Christine seems pleased about the job offer although not as pleased as Father Perfect.

As he breaks the news of the housekeeper to Michael, Father Daley informs him they have had an emergency call from the convent where Sister Anuncia is on the verge of death. Father Perfect wistfully tells Christine of Anuncia. Now in her 70s, she was an Irish peasant girl thrown in to a convent as a serving wench. Totally illiterate, she learned to read and write, traveled to Europe and learned three European languages. She then went on to teach scholarship girls by immersing herself in education. Christine accepts the offer of a job. Father Daley returns deeply upset to announce Sister Anuncia has died. The next few scenes are all pictures of domestic bliss as we see Christine turning the lives of the three priests around, taking on the domestic duties with relish and cooking superb meals to their delight. She then proceeds to re-paint dilapidated rooms, cleans and re-arranges all of the rooms within the church.

Father Daley recognises Christine as a "people" person and confides in her something that has been distressing him. It seems that at her death Sister Anuncia blasphemed and cursed God. She refused the Sacrament and even screamed "What has Christ to do with a woman?". Father Daley naively states that a Priest needs a woman else "how can he deal with thousands unless he knows one". This is not meant as a sexual proposition.

Patrick and his girlfriend have now returned to the Church to thank Father Daley for speaking to his mother and his school. It seems that Patrick (and his girlfriend) is going to follow a medical career.

Father Perfect and Michael are greatly amused as Christine measures up Michael for new underwear. Once again, Father Perfect, shows he is not simply a likeable old men when he asks if Christine's presence is disturbing Michael sexually. Michael honestly declares that he is disturbed because whereas he is supposed to preach knowledgeably about the sexual act he is innocent of it, while she has experienced it directly.

The "blacksheep" Father Vernon returns. Patrick has informed him of the arrival of the new housekeeper. Father Perfect and Father Daley anticipate trouble. Father Perfect tells Michael that if a priest doesn't have his own Parish by his middle thirties the chances are that he will always remain an assistant. Michael will soon have his own parish but Father Vernon is in his 40's and is likely to remain an assistant and as a result may have become somewhat embittered. Father Perfect warns Michael that Father Vernon is intelligent but devious and could possibly be vindictive.

Father Vernon walks in at the awkward moment Christine is delivering Michael's new underwear. Father Vernon acts with some hostility towards Michael whilst Michael believes they should try to remain civil. Father Vernon finds Michael's conduct in regard to Patrick is inexcusable; he has been undermined. He believes Michael should not have interfered or should have contacted him about the problem. Father Daley leaves the room in an attempt to calm the situation down. Father Vernon discovers the underwear and seems pleased with his find.

The next scene sees Father Vernon in the midst of an obvious attempt to undermine Father Daley to Christine. Christine however, seems unconcerned with his skulduggery and declares that she will soon be leaving due to the fact that she is in live with Michael.

In Father Perfect's room, Father Daley enters to declare that he is thinking of leaving the priesthood. He asks Father Perfect how he personally deals with the isolation of the vocation. Father Perfect declares that he keeps calling down the heavens to laugh at him (see Memorable Quotes 2 )

It would seem that Father Perfect has the vague hope that God will one day contact him via his amateur radio apparatus but until then he uses it to keep in touch with other isolated priests. Father Perfect gently mocks Michael by asking him what he will tell the people at the labour exchange. Father Perfect believes he would be more successful telling them that he has been in prison or in a lunatic asylum rather than have been a priest.

Father Perfect asks Michael to do him a favour - to go and see an old friend of his who also left the priesthood; the ex-priest is now living in poor conditions unable to get a job.

The lapsed priest agrees to meet with Michael. He is now selling ashtrays. He understands that Father Michael believes it is lonely in the priesthood but tells him it id much lonelier on the outside. The woman who he left the Church for, sucked him dry of his intellectual capacities and abandoned him. He now spends much of his time avoiding his former parishioners. Besides you should not leave to limit yourself but to expand yourself, make life richer and more meaningful. He recommends that Father Michael stay within the Church. He asks him to cut a deck of cards which he refers to as an Oracle. A red card means "Yes" and a black card means "No". God can equally well speak through a pack of cards as any other kind of revelation (see Memorable Quotes 3 ).

Father Vernon states to Christine that for a sin to be a mortal sin it must be done knowingly and deliberately. He asks her for an example and she correctly answers "Abortion". He tells her that she has confessed to murder. Father Daley walks in at this stage. This is a horrific scene where Father Vernon deliberately piles on the guilt to Christine who he knows is already suffering - not for her benefit but for his own vengeful purposes.

Father Michael screams at him to "Tell her it's not true" and ends by slapping him across the face. Father Vernon tells him that the attack will have to be reported. Michael now moves to the front of the church and removes his dog collar. Father Perfect enters and sadly asks if he is leaving the church. On receiving an affirmative Alastair, as Father Perfect, brilliantly expresses his disappointment in his face but states that Michael will always remain his "young friend". He significantly blesses them (both Michael and Christine). Sadly, it would seem that Father Perfect and Father Vernon are all that remains of the triumvirate.